So, I was watching this show (that shall remain nameless) they were talking about moms that hover over their kids all the time. They of course have the best intentions of keeping their kids safe and protecting them etc. etc. Some of the stories about these moms were pretty extreme. Then there are the moms that are hands off "free range". They feel that letting the kids figure it out all on their own is better. Supposedly by doing things wrong they figure out how to do it right. They also had their own extreme examples (like letting a 9 year old ride the subway around NYC alone with 20 bucks in his pocket)
This all got me thinking. Which am I? I wish I could say that I am a "free range" kind of a mom. Unfortunately I am not. I try to.... but this is really hard for me. I would love to say I'm a happy medium but I probably more like a 60 - 40 type of situation. I grew up with my parents throwing me out the door and expecting me back at meal times. I walked to school (which yes.... it was a long way! Even up hill both ways) Some of the things I did as a kid I would NEVER EVER..... EVER let my kids do. Maybe it's because the world isn't the same as it used to be, or maybe I just am more aware the dangers.
Here's the question. What do you think, 9 and 10 year old kids by themselves? Yes or NO.
When can you let your older kids baby sit. How far away should they ride there bikes without adult supervision? I know that you can't keep them safe all the time but it's pretty scary to set them loose and hope they come back in one piece. So what are you a Hover mom or a Free Range?
(I'm not the only cautious, and a little too protective mom out there am I?)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Hover or Free Range
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6 comments:
So you saw my story about giving Micah 20 bucks and sending him off on the subway. It was actually the train and I only gave him 10 buckas and told him I wanted my change at the end of the day. As you can tell I am a total "Free Range" mom. Couldn't do it any other way. However I completly respect you "Hover" mom's. More power to ya!
Hey...I know you do not hear from me much over here but I do check in on your blog from time to time. I bet you get a lot of comments on this one...
I have some definate opinions about this post. I do NOT think a 9 or 10 year old should be left to "free range". Not even an 11 or 12 year old. Too young in my opinion to not "feel" parental boundries. When kids are taught about loose boundries they learn quick to impose on others. Then parents are setting themselves up for disaster with their teenagers. Kids can learn all those life lessons WITH Boundries until they leave home.
And then the babysitting question... I personally have learned over time that it is not a good idea to have kids (teenagers) babysit other peoples kids...too much risk, too much responsibility. I think adults are the better choice to watch other peoples kids. And the teenagers can help in their own home with younger brothers and sisters.
Riding bikes...depends on the age, but until they are 10 they should go no further than the end of the sidewalk of street block you live on. I want to be able to watch from my front step and see my child out riding.
Ok, I think there is a happy middle of the road. I have two almost grown boys who have been hard at times and done things to make me think I should have never had kids but, I think I've done well. They are straight A kids... love being with us, sometimes more then we want. Their friends love to be at our home and wish their parents were more like us.
I learned from my sons Dr. who has helped us with his autisum that our job as parents is to just, love them.... Now really think about that... it took me along time to really get this. Love them through the fits, the messes, the mistakes (which there will be lots of) and all the hard times that come with parenting. When you are able to do all that while they are being hard kids you get a view of what our Father in Heaven is trying to do for us and he is not a free range Father. He has given us guide lines and goals but, most of all he has given us love and understanding when we make the mistakes or don't behave right.The free range kids that we have had at our house miss the rules and guide lines.. they have told us this and mind you these are teenagers who are telling us this! I couldn't believe it when they have told us this. I would have thought that every kid would want that kind of freedom but, most don't.
As for the babysitting that should be based on the kid you have babysitting. I love to babysit and I was good at it! Michael can agree with that one. You can't judge one teenager bad because on some others have done a bad job.
Ok sorry about the soap box... done. Love ya
Alyssa as a 10 yr old - NO. Me as a 10 Yr old - YES. I was young and in tune with the cosmic forces.
I think that I'm more of a free range mom with a smidge of hover supervision. If you know what I mean. My theory is to let the kids know what their boundaries are and then let them reap the consequenses. (for good or bad.) The same could be said about someone who is speeding. A cop doesn't pull up beside you and say I'm counting to three and thennnnn I am going to pull you over. One, slow down and then I wou't give you a ticket...two I'm warning you your headed for a ticket young lady...three, three and a half. If you catch my drift, I feel like parenting shouldn't be like that. We should let them learn by trial and error. It seems to sink in more that way. Now of course you should always be there to see what lies ahead to help them especially when it's the important stuff that could harm them physically or mentaly or otherwise. I would say that supervising and hovering are probably two different things. But each circumstance is different for every kid and sould be delt with accordingly. Some are ready sooner for responciblity and some aren't. In short every mom is different and so are the kids. But I respect that parents right to do what works for them.
deep question! You have got some people talking! Good for you-i only talk about lame things like spray painting. Just becasue I blog about lame things, doesn't mean I can't ahvve an opinion-right?
I am with some of your commenters-middle of the road-but each child is differnt. Yes, the world that we live in, is a very differnt one that we grew up in. But, I also think that our kids are stronger than we were. I like to think this has everything to do with the parents-you know FAntastic genes and all-I know better.
If we hover too much, these little people could bolt with the first little bit of freedom.
Then-those with all kinds of freedom-need and want the hover.
I think "kids" can babysit. You just have to check them out, and even then-people make mistakes. But, if we never let anyone make minstakes-how will they, and or us learn?
Happy medium I guess-I feel that each person in entitled to their own parental opinions. Whether they are on one extreme or not.
(I am really hoping that I make sense-I am pretty drugged out for this damned headache-see post)
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